Loki, sleepy after his first bath~
is a tard.
It begins in the backyard of my dad’s old house in Orient, the one right next to the Candyman. The entire family is getting ready for Barbara’s birthday, for which we have erected tents and bought a giant ice cream cake. The day had been sunny and nice, up until someone started to cut the cake.
When the first square had been dislodged from the delicious whole, the sky suddenly began to swirl with clouds and wrinkle with lightning. But not the regular sort of lightning. This lightning looked like something you might see in Jupiter’s massive spot; fierce, bright, loud, and terrifying. It seemed to appear in rigid clusters of the sky, where it would grow and grow until the thunder finally released the pressure. Everyone fell to the grass in response to the lightning, except for the person cutting the cake, who, having spent all her time and energy into preparing this party, shouted, “Seriously?!” I myself curled into a fetal position, helplessly scooting away from where I thought the pillar of Zeus’ fury would strike. While doing so, I happened to look behind me to see a funnel of reddish cloud make its way towards the ground. It wasn’t a tornado, but a warning. I guess it was the end of the world.
Then, all of a sudden, we’re all in a spacecraft bearing some resemblance to the Normandy from Mass Effect.
“Guys,” I said, as if I’d just woken up and realized where I was. “… what are we doing? We’re not supposed to be in space! We’re supposed to be looking for the temples on Earth because of the solar storm that’s going to wipe everything out!”
Apparently, my brain wanted to do an Assassin’s Creed/Mass Effect crossover. And this is what came of it.
Nevertheless, the ship kept on sailing through space until we came upon what seemed to be a space station, which reminded me both of the Citadel and the beginning of Bioshock, where Jack is first in the bathysphere heading into Rapture.
“Wait,” I pipe up again, “is this the temple we’re supposed to be looking for? Because it’s in space and can’t be hit by the solar storm?” There must have been some sort of consensus, because my subconscious self suddenly thought it made so much sense. “But what about everyone else?”
We docked at the space station. But upon entering, the first thing I see are dinosaurs. More specifically, a huge raptor. I pull out my sniper rifle — the one I use faithfully in Mass Effect 2 — and begin to shoot it in the head. I’m close to killing it before I realize that the dinosaurs are… nice. As I’m re-collecting my wasted ammo from the body of a random talking triceratops, I have another epiphany: the dinosaurs were sent here during their extinction. They were spared. Without delay, a horde of other various humanoid species emerge from within the space station. Over the course of cyclical extinctions, these peoples/things had sought refuge here, too. It was like a space ark. Subconscious. Blown.
Then it just got weird. There was a sort of nightclub/burlesque entertainment theater on this space station, catered to by blue demonesses with top hats. I could tell they were demons because, not only did they have normal boobs, but they also had six other teets along their stomachs, like a cat might — obviously a sign that they gave birth to demon litters. Duh. My boyfriend and I sat down in the front and began to watch a magic show or something.
The end.
Normally, I would be again disappointed with my dream, but the “Guys, we’re not supposed to be in space!” line makes me laugh every time I think of it.
I’m going to get a pug and name it Pancakes.
And I will look forward to the day when Pancakes gets off his/her leash and I have to chase him/her around the neighborhood screaming, “PANCAAAAAAKES! PANCAKES GET OVER HERE!”
Pancakes.
Auuugh it looks so saaaad let me eat you so you can live in my belly and we can be friends
…
Even I’m concerned by that train of thought.
Step 1: Suck at everything
Step 2: Get dropped off at Publix
Step 3: Realize, in Publix, you don’t have your debit card
Step 4: Begin walking back to dorm in the humid sun without much needed groceries
Step 5: Get harassed on five separate occasions within 20 minutes
BONUS (choose one or both)
- a passing man says: “Look at her frowning. I bet I can make you happy. No doubt about that.”
- three guys pull into the parking lot to your left and follow you for as long and far as possible
Step 6: Obtain ice cream from dining hall
Step 7: Return to room and engage in rigorous self-loathing while consuming said ice cream
“None Shall Ever Pass”
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when people first meet me, they think i’m shy like
but then they get to know me and I’m more like
someone just please shoot me and get it over with. please.
